3- The unchangeable facts of life:
Before pondering over some noble Hadiths on the rights of the husband over his wife, let us discuss some of the unchangeable facts of life such as the subjection of the whole universe to human beings. When you ponder over the creation of universe, you will be quite amazed at its greatness; the earth with all the planets going around it compared to our galaxy (the Milky Galaxy) is only like a point in a space. Furthermore, there are many billion galaxies in the universe, and each one contains many billion stars, and the distances between these stars are incredibly huge. This vast universe with all its galaxies, quasars, comets, etc.…is one of the sings of the Greatness of Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He. However, whom Allah the Almighty has subjected this vast universe to? There are many Noble Ayaat in the Noble Qur’an which clearly indicate that the whole universe is subjected to man (to get to know Allah through pondering over the greatness of its creation). One of these Ayaat is the following Noble Ayah in which Allah the Almighty says:
(And has subjected to you all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth; it is all as a favour and kindness from Him)
(Al-Jathiyah, 13)
4- What should man do in return for this subjection?
As long as the whole universe is subjected to human beings, what does Allah the Almighty demand of man in return for this subjection? To make this point clear, consider the following example: if someone is offered one of the highest salaries and full power to take action, make decisions, etc.…, he should carry out heavy responsibilities in return for these distinctive characteristics. Similarly, if you consider the great creation of the universe, the innumerable number of trees, flowers, birds, fishes, etc…, you should know that you have responsibilities towards the Creator of this universe Who has subjected it to you.
Furthermore, if you ponder over the great creation of human body; the human body systems, the muscles, the heart, the lungs, etc…, and if you ponder over the creation of everything around you, such as the sky, the air, the water, the seas, the stars, the birds, and so on, you should realize that all these things are created for your own good in the worldly life and the Hereafter. Hence, you can notice how the whole universe is subjected to human beings, but what should man do in return for this subjection? He should devote himself to worship Allah the Almighty. Having the universe subjected to you requires knowing Allah the Almighty perfectly, and this profound knowledge entails obeying Allah perfectly. As a result, you will be pleased in both this world and the Hereafter.
Accordingly, the main purpose of the creation of the heavens and the earth, as well as the creation of the human being is to grant you eternal and blissful happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. However, this eternal happiness is based on performing righteous deeds, acts of obedience to Allah, and a great deal of effort. As for performing righteous deeds, it depends on the profound knowledge about Allah, and this profound knowledge requires contemplating the creation of the great universe which is a sign of the Greatness of Allah the Almighty. Thus, the main purpose of the creation of the universe is to get to know Allah the Almighty through pondering over its creation, since this universe is a sign of the Utmost Greatness of Allah the Almighty. Moreover, it is subjected to human beings in order to get to know Allah the Almighty perfectly and to love Him. This perfect knowledge in its turn will lead you to the absolute obedience to Him, and this absolute obedience will end in the eternal happiness in this worldly life and in the Hereafter.
Whenever you read a Divine Order in the Noble Qur’an, you –as a husband or as a wife- should adhere strictly to it and should apply it completely not partially, because this is your duty in return for the subjection of the whole universe to you. On the other hand, the people who are heedless of Allah the Almighty pay no attention to Allah’s Orders, so they commit sins, disobey Allah, violate His Command, and transgress the limits ordained by Him easily. Let alone, when you advise one of them not to commit sins he may indifferently reply, “Come on! Take it easy! Allah is the Oft-Forgiving the Most Merciful, He will bestow His Mercy and Kindness upon us and will definitely not call us to account!” That is what ignorant people say.
Actually, Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, has created the whole universe for our benefit; when we ponder over the creation of the universe we get to know Allah perfectly, and we will be deeply grateful to Allah for this subjection. Then this perfect knowledge and deep gratitude will make us totally obedient to Allah, so we will be granted the eternal happiness in both this life and the Hereafter. Consider the Divine Command mentioned in the following Noble Ayah in which Allah the Almighty says:
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,)
(An-Nisa’, 34)
5- The guardianship of men over women
This means the family can be likened to a ship or a vehicle which has only one leader who should be one of them. Allah the Almighty says:
(…because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
(An-Nisa, 34)
Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, has granted men and women certain characteristics that complement each other. Furthermore, they are equal in many aspects such as charging and honoring. The equality in charging and assignment means both of them are ordered to get to know Allah the Almighty, to perform acts of obedience to Him, to get closer to Him, and so on…. However, they differ in some aspects; for example, women are not ordered to go out for Jihad nor are they ordered to attend Friday sermon. Allah the Almighty says:
(Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allah in Islam) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allah), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allah has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allah has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allah), the men and the women who give Sadaqat (i.e. Zakat, and alms, etc.), the men and the women who observe Saum (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadan, and the optional Nawafil fasting)….,)
(Al-Ahzab, 35)
Whether they are males or females, Allah the Almighty will answer their prayers. He says:
(So their Lord accepted of them (their supplication and answered them), “Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be the male or female.)
(Aal-‘Imran, 195)
6- Differences and similarities between men and women
When it comes to the Divine assignment and honoring, women and men are equal. Yet, there is a vast structural difference between women and men; woman has a special psychological, physical and mental structure which fits perfectly her first mission manifested in bringing up her children. On the other hand, man has special mentality and psychological and physical structure, which are quite compatible with his role in the family manifested in earning a living, taking the helm of the family and making decisions due to his profound insight. Thus, men and women complement each other. Also, according to Allah’s Deep Wisdom, He has chosen man to be the leader of his family. Allah the Almighty says:
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
Men’s mind dominates their passion, and they have deeper insight than women, while women have the ability to focus sharply on the outer appearance of things, unlike men who concentrate on the reality and the essence of life, and pay no attention to the outer appearance. I do not mean to belittle women or dishonor them, but what I mean is that both man and woman have their special characteristics that fit their role in life. Also, they are equal in the Sight of Allah the Almighty. It was narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him said:
((Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal to Jihad in reward.))
[Mentioned in the tradition]
Furthermore, the woman who adheres strictly to Allah’s Orders and who obeys her husband can be more exalted in the Sight of Allah the Almighty than one thousand men, or even ten thousand or one hundred thousand men. What really matters is the adherence to the Command of Allah the Almighty and the performance of righteous deeds. Allah the Almighty says:
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
In Islam, man is charged with certain duties such as the guardianship over women, management, supervision, making decision, and leadership at home. However, you may find someone who abdicates these responsibilities willingly and lets his wife lead the family (i.e. who has a weak personality) or takes his role in public. Actually, such cases are not related to the topic of our lecture today. The general rule is that Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, has placed men in charge of their wives. He says:
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
It was narrated that while Khalifah Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was personally looking after the affairs of his people, he imposed a punishment on a person who had committed a mistake. Later on, his wife asked him why he imposed that punishment on that man, and what he had committed. She did not ask him to forgive that man, or to make other decision. Nevertheless, Khalifah Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, got extremely angry at her and said, “O bad woman, it is none of your business!” He did not allow her to interfere in his affairs since she had no knowledge about that.
Although righteous women have high status in the Sight of Allah the Almighty, He has granted men the position of guardianship over women, because it fits their feminine nature. As the saying goes, “May Allah bless the one who knows perfectly well the range of his abilities, and does not burden himself with what is beyond his capacity.” Allah the Almighty says:
(…because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
Allah the Almighty distinguishes man with qualities that are not found in women such as the muscular strength, the physical strength, and the ability to make rational decisions at the expense of emotions, while in general women are driven by their emotions, and that is why they sometimes find it hard to make crucial decisions in critical situations which require certain levels of bravery.
7- The reason why Allah assigns guardianship to men over women:
Allah the Almighty says:
(…and because they spend (to support them) from their means.)
(An-Nisa’, 34)
Allah the Almighty mentions two reasons for that; the first one is:
(…because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,)
(An-Nisa’, 34)
The second one is that men have to spend money on them.
8- The qualities of a righteous wife:
Allah the Almighty says:
(..Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.).)
(An-Nisa, 34)
This means the righteous wife is obedient to her husband, and she guards her chastity and her husband’s money in his absence, which is the best quality of a righteous wife; she never lets non-Mahram men look at her or speak with her unnecessarily. Allah the Almighty says:
( …then be not soft in speech,)
(Al-Ahzab, 32)
On the other hand, some women do not guard their chastity in the absence of their husbands. For instance, if someone knocks at the door, they open it wide even if they are wearing indecently, and they talk with him without observing the etiquettes of talking with non-Mahram men. A woman of such does not guard her chastity, but rather she is almost encouraging people to commit adultery with her! While the situation of the righteous woman is exactly the opposite; Allah the Almighty says:
(…and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.).)
In Morocco, some righteous women have a quite good habit; if someone knocks at the door while their husbands are not at home, they knock at the door from inside in order to inform him that their husbands are not at home, so if he wants to say something important, he should say it from behind the closed doors. While the heedless women welcome the non-Mahram men warmly, and ask them to enter their homes, and show them warm hospitality. Such women are not true Muslim women, since the righteous women guard their chastity while their husbands are not at home.
((It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that a man came to the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, and said, “I have a wife who is one of the most beloved of the people to me, but she does not object if anyone touches her.” He, peace be upon him, said, “Divorce her.”))
[An-Nasa’i]
The woman who does not guard her chastity in her husband’s absence cannot be entrusted. Actually there is a popular misconception that some women are referred to as chaste since they never let anyone talk to them in an immoral manner regardless of the fact that they show their beauty and expose their body in the balcony and in the streets. Well, this is absolutely wrong, because the woman who wears indecently is definitely not chaste and is not a real Muslim woman even if she performs ritual acts such as prayers, fasting, etc. Allah the Almighty describes the real Muslim woman as follows:
(…and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.).)
This means she guards her chastity all the time; whether in the presence of her husband or in his absence. She also protects his money and spends it wisely, even if others accuse her of being stingy. Allah the Almighty says:
(…and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.).)
Consider these pieces of advice which create an intense emotional bond between the spouses: It was narrated that a Bedouin woman, in the early stage of Islam, gave this advice to her daughter before her wedding. She said, “O my beloved daughter, I will give you ten pieces of advice. Remember them and try to live them, you will gain the happiness and respect of your husband. First: Lead a life of contentment. Second: Always listen attentively to what your husband says. Give importance to what he says and do as he says. Third: Tend to your beauty carefully so that whenever he will look at you, he will be pleased with his choice. Within the limits of decency, use as much fragrance as possible and remember that no part of your body or dress should repulse him. [i.e. make sure you are always clean, neat and in a good conduct and good fragrance.]. Fourth: Prepare his meals before it is time as hunger becomes a flame if not satisfied. During the hours of rest, keep it quiet and peaceful as disturbed sleep makes a man morose and angry. [i.e. be alert and sensitive to his needs, instead of doing something that aggravates the situation]. Fifth: If he is grieved over something, then do not mention to him anything that has pleased you. Share his grief. When he is happy, don’t disclose your hidden grief and do not complain to your husband. Otherwise, he will see you as lacking emotional respect and will be irritated or annoyed by your lack of understanding. Sixth: Never disobey him and always keep his secrets, for disobeying such an honorable man would put fuel to fire, also revealing his secrets would destroy his trust in you. And you yourself will not be safe from his retaliatory double standards…..” to the rest of theses valuables pieces of advice. Thus, the Muslim women should act upon the following Ayah:
(…and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.).)
(An-Nisa’, 34)
This is the meaning of the following Noble Ayah in which Allah the Almighty says:
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women)
However, if the husband is less righteous and less knowledgeable than his wife, if he has a narrow vision while his wife has a broad one, and if he does not spend money on her, then she is the one who has guardianship over him! Man guardianship over his wife requires being more righteous, knowledgeable and pious than her, and it requires spending on her. Otherwise, his wife should be the one who leads the family.
Some noble Hadiths on the rights of spouses:
First, let us talk about the most important rights of the husband over his wife.
The first Hadith:
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning.))
[Agreed upon]
When we say agreed upon, it means that both Imam Al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim agreed on its narration. In another narration, the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((When a woman spends the night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning.))
Which means marriage is based on making love, so if the wife spends the night away from her husband and refrains from sleeping with him, the angels will curse her all the night until morning. Likewise, it is not permissible for a woman to observe supererogatory fast when her husband is present except with his permission, but if it is an obligatory fast, she can fast without his permission, because the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((There is no obedience to any human being if it involves sin; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.))
[Ahmad]
Accordingly, you should never obey anyone in the disobedience of Allah even if he is your parent. For example, a father may say to his son, ‘If you want me to be pleased with you, divorce your wife!’ His wife may be a righteous woman, so he should never obey him and should never divorce her unjustly. The prophet, peace be up him, said:
((There is no obedience to any human being if it involves sin; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.))
If someone’s parents order him to commit a sin, then it is the same whether they are satisfied with him or not; he should never obey them.
The second Hadith:
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((It is not lawful for a lady to fast (Nawafil) without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission; and if she spends of his wealth (on charitable purposes) without being ordered by him, he will get half of the reward…))
[Agreed upon]
Hence, when her husband is at home, the Muslim woman should never observe supererogatory fast without his permission. On the other hand, it is permissible for her to fast without his permission in his absence; if he is on a trip for example. Let’s ponder over the rest of this Hadith: The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((…and she should not allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission.))
It is not permissible for her to allow anyone to enter his house without his permission. For example, if he asks her not to allow her cousin to enter their house during his absence, which is of course prohibited in Islam (in order to avoid private seclusion with non-Mahram men), she should never let him enter the house in her husband’s absence claiming that her cousin has just come back after a travel and she fells embarrassed, and so she cannot not ask him not to enter the house. It is nonsense to say that. Actually, the husband is the leader of his family, so if he prevents his wife from doing something that displeases Allah the Almighty, she should obey him and keep away from it.
The third Hadith:
Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.))
[At-Tirmidhi]
It is a reference to the righteous wife who pleases her husband by fulfilling her obligations to him completely, such as brining up her children properly, fulfilling his needs, caring for him, and creating an atmosphere of tranquility, calm, and peace at home, which helps him be a productive member in his society. In contrast, the one whose marital life is full of conflicts and quarrels and who spends the whole night arguing with his wife, will find it very difficult to concentrate on his tasks at work since he will be thinking all the time about his problems. Hence, the woman who creates an atmosphere of peace and tranquility at her home will get the same reward (from Allah the Almighty) as her husband. You know the saying that “Behind every great man there’s a great woman”, and I believe that behind every great man who performs righteous deeds and serves his society there is a righteous woman, because being productive requires enjoying peace of mind and tranquility in the daily life. Allah the Almighty says:
(He will guide them and set right their state.)
(Muhammad, 5)
Who has created that atmosphere of tranquility, calm, and peace inside the home for the husband in order to become productive? It is the righteous wife. Whenever I read the dedication of the author that is written in the first page of his book, I feel deeply touched by his words, because most of the dedications start with “To my beloved wife…” Those authors are absolutely right since their wives are the ones who created that atmosphere of calm which enabled them to write their books. Had their life been full of quarrels and disputes, they would have never been able to write them. So, the successful couples live in peace, love, and mutual respect. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.))
The problem most couples face is that their marriage is not based on the obedience to Allah the Almighty. In other words, if the wife aims to earn Allah’s Pleasure by being obedient to her husband, and if the husband aims to earn Allah’s Pleasure by being good and kind to his wife, they will have a blissful marriage. In other words, the spouses should be kind to one another even if one of them is not kind to the other, and even if one of the spouses does not deserve such a kind treatment, he should do that for the Sake of Allah Alone. However, if the husband treats his bad-mannered wife the way she deserves to be treated, or if the wife treats her bad-mannered husband the way he treats her, then quarrels and disputes break out. On the other hand, if both the husband and the wife make the intention to get closer to Allah by being good to each other, they will be granted marital bliss. Hence, when the marriage is based on the obedience to Allah the Almighty, the spouses will be blessed by being granted marital bliss success.
Let me tell you something you may find irrelevant to the topic of our lecture today, but it is really important. When both the husband and wife lower their gaze, they will live in harmony with one another. In fact, when the husband lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at pretty non-Mahram women out of the fear of Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, he will be rewarded for that and his marriage will be blessed with lots of happiness and mutual love. Thus, when both spouses lower their gaze, they will be granted the marital bliss, which is really important. Allah the Almighty says:
(Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them…)
(An-Nur, 30)
Whoever stares at non-Mahram women who expose their beauty for others thinking that there is no harm by doing so is mistaken, since Allah Who has created man orders him to lower his gaze for his own good. He says:
(That is more virtuous and purer for you)
(An-Nur, 30)
This means it will help him feel more comfortable. Furthermore, he will be rewarded by Allah immediately, not after a period of time (after a month for example), but rather in the same day. So, the more you make every effort to lower your gaze, the more marital bliss you will get. Actually, enjoying marital bliss is really important since living a peaceful marital life will increase one’s productivity, while when one’s marriage is full of fights and quarrels, it will negatively affects his productivity at work. Thus, whoever treats his wife kindly is a person of great wisdom. Allah the Almighty says:
(And live with them honorably.)
(An-Nisa’, 19)
The forth Hadith:
Consider the following Divine Command: Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, orders husbands to treat their wives kindly. He orders men to act kindly towards women and orphans. The Mother of the Believers Mrs. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.))
[At-Tirmidhi]
He, peace be upon him, also said:
((Only an honorable man treats women with honor and integrity, and only a mean, deceitful and dishonest man humiliates and insults women. They defeat the noble man, but they are defeated by the ignorant one, and I would rather be a defeated noble man than a defeating ignorant one.))
[Mentioned in the tradition]
This is what the true believer should do. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((If a woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.))
Many years ago, I attended a consolation ceremony in Al-Midan (which is a neighborhood and municipality in Damascus), the deceased was an 80-yearold woman, and her husband was 95 years old. He was crying bitterly, and when people tried to console him, he said, “I never slept feeling irritated with her during the whole 45 years I lived with her.” In sharp contrast to that, someone may tell you that he had never been pleased with his wife, even for one day in his life. Let me tell you this joke: once a husband and his wife, who used to quarrel a lot, agreed to quarrel one day and to have a rest on the other day, but even in the day off she used to annoy her husband by keep repeating, “Tomorrow we will have a quarrel” The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((If a woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah))
The fifth Hadith:
Abdul-Rahman Ibn Awf, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((If a woman observes her five daily prayers, fasts during the month of Ramadhan, guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise through any of the gates she wishes.))
[Ahmad]
Which means the wife’s obedience to her husband is almost equal to a quarter of her faith.
The sixth Hadith:
Mu’adh Ibn Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((No woman annoys her husband but his wife among Al-Huril-Ain (of Paradise) says: ‘Do not annoy him, may Allah destroy you, for he is just a temporary guest with you and soon he will leave you and join us.))
[At-Tirmidhi]
A Muslim husband should never annoy his wife:
None of the spouses should annoy one another. Actually, I find it really strange that some Muslim husbands intend to annoy their wives and vice versa! This odd situation contradicts the teachings of the Qur’an since Allah the Almighty says:
(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy…)
(Ar-Rum, 21)
According to the teachings of Islam, marriage should be based on finding tranquility in one another, and showing love and mercy to each other. However, you may find some Muslim spouses who deliberately try to irritate each other, and the reason could be the wife’s female relatives or friends who advise her to do that. In fact, this is utmost foolishness, stupidity and heedlessness of Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He. Thus, it is not permissible for any women to irritate her husband, and it is not permissible to any husband to irritate his wife either, because this will definitely lead to quarrels and misunderstanding. Man should never let a minor dispute turn into a big deal.
Two precious pieces of advice for married couples
The first piece of advice:
I would like to offer all my brothers in faith this piece of advice, please be realistic, and know that no marital life is problem free, because each one of the spouses has his own needs, and when these needs are not fulfilled, quarrels start. Actually, even the Prophet, peace be upon him, and the noble companions, may Allah be pleased with them had some marital problems.
(( Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet was with one of the Mothers of the Believers when another one sent a wooden bowl which contains some food. She struck the hand of the Prophet and the bowl fell and broke. The Prophet picked up the two pieces and put them together, and then he started to gather up the food and said, ‘Your mother got jealous; eat.’ So they ate. He waited until she brought the wooden bowl that was in her house, and then he gave the sound bowl to the messenger and left the broken bowl in the house of the one who had broken it.))
In another narration, the Prophet, peace be upon him, was with one of the Mothers of the Believers when another one sent a plate in which there was some food. She intentionally broke it, then the Prophet, peace be upon him, blamed her for that. Also, it is reported that a man came to the Khalifah Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, to complain about his wife’s ill-temper. While he was waiting for Umar to come out of his house, he heard Umar’s wife scolding him and Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back, so that man decided to walk away. At that moment, Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away. He called him and said, “What did you want from me, O man?” The man replied, “O Leader of the Believers, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you!” Thus, having some marital problems is a normal part of life. However, both the husband and the wife should never annoy one another since that behavior contradicts the teachings of the Noble Qur’an.
The second piece of advice:
Allah the Almighty says:
(…and turn them not out of their (husband’s) homes, nor shall they (themselves) leave,…)
Unfortunately, when some little problems arise, some husbands force their wives to leave their homes. So, when the wife goes to her parent’s house, many of her female relatives such as her paternal aunt, her maternal aunt, her cousin, her sisters, etc.… may give her bad pieces of advice; they may say to her, “Why do you want to stay married to that bad husband? You deserve another man who is far better than him” Also, she will get extremely annoyed when her husband does not call her, and he will get extremely irritated because she never calls him either. Each one of them will be waiting for the other one to make that call. They will turn away from each other more and more till their marriage ends in divorce. It is much better for the husband to avoid forcing his wife to leave the home, because they will be able to solve their problem the next day! I firmly believe that the spouses can deal with the most difficult marital problem as long as the wife stays at her home, while if she leaves it and goes to her parents’ house, the marriage will mostly end in divorce, no matter how trivial their problem is.
The wise father never lets his daughter leave her house if she has a problem with her husband, but rather he tries to solve their problem at the same day instead of encouraging her to get divorced, like what some parents do. Parents of As-Salaf As-Saleh (the righteous ancestors) used to make a certain plan against their daughter in order to persuade her to go back to her marital home if she had left it after having a quarrel with her husband. The first day her mother asked her for help in house work, the next day they ate cheap food, the third day parents pretended to have a serious marital problem in front of her, and so on till she found out that her marital house was far better than her parents’ house! In contrast, nowadays, some parents encourage their daughters to leave their husbands and to annoy them till their marriage end in divorce. Actually, this is one of the problems which arise within the Muslim community, and which are caused by utter ignorance of the teachings of Islam.
Actually, some mothers want to dominate and control every aspect of their daughters’ life even after marriage, which turn their daughters’ life into Hell. How bad such mothers are! Usama Ibn Zaid narrated the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((…Then I stood at the gate of Paradise and saw that the majority of the people who entered it were the poor, while the wealthy were stopped at the gate (for the accounts). But the companions of the Fire were ordered to be taken to the Fire. Then I stood at the gate of the Fire and saw that the majority of those who entered it were women.”))
[Ahmad]
Thus, one should be careful and should not let others interfere in his personal affairs.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((No woman annoys her husband in the world except that his wife among the Al-Huril-Ain said: ‘Do not annoy him, may Allah destroy you, he is only like a guest with, soon he will part from you for us.))
One of the noble companions said to his wife when she asked him to get her something he couldn’t afford, “O woman, know that Al-Huril-Ain (the women of Paradise) are so beautiful that if one of them were to look out over the earth, the light of her face would be brighter than the light of the sun and the moon. So I would rather sacrifice you for them than sacrifice them for you” ( he would never earn money illegally in order to fulfil all her wife’s needs).
Such a woman should not be given more value than what she deserves, and she should not be allowed to violate others’ boundaries. Usama Ibn Zaid, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:
((I have not left after me any trial more severe to men than women.))
[Muslim]
Actually, Shaitan (Satan) uses women as a ploy to trap men into sinning; Shaitan lies in wait against human beings, and he uses many traps in order to mislead them, the best of which is women. Therefore, every Muslim should fear Allah the Almighty and keep away from doubtful matters.
